Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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