I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
