ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
