Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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