I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
