420 ftw
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We need to get me chipped asap
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
