after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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