He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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