nut hugger
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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