The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
