oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
