hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
