yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
