the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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