so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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