yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize