you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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