all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm getting married
To pizza
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
