Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
