I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
