How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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