I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
