dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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