I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was confusing and full of hummus
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
