I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
