I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
