I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
