dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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