you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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