They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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