did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
