It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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