so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
