I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
