I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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