i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize