He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
