Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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