Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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