Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
