I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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