So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
