Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
4 words: hood of his car
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
