my vag is so smooth its legendary
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
