I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize