Im at strip club and am horny
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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