dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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