Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
