If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
