I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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