just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
