do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
