after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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