jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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