Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
