We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
