how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
