You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
ok first of all what the fuck
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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