Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
