I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
