time to smoke my breakfast
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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