we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
